


Avengers: Absurdity War

by FaerwenOfValenwood



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Absurd, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comedy, Comfort Food, Deliberate Badfic, Gen, Nonsense, Out of Character, Parody, Poor Tony Stark, Silly, Swearing, The Author Regrets Nothing, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Tony Stark Loves His Shorts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-02 11:29:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 12,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16304324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaerwenOfValenwood/pseuds/FaerwenOfValenwood
Summary: Please enjoy a predictive-text–facilitated, Avengers-themed nonsense fic brought to you with love and giggles by a writer too lazy to work on her real projects.Thanos is running for President of the Moon and only our mightiest, most dysfunctional superheroes can stop him—if they can get over how much they hate the moon and how tired they are.Tony Stark is obsessed with wearing shorts and gets incessantly picked on. Rampant Stucky love. Constant rambling about food. Everyone seems to have a problem with the moon for some reason.





	1. it would be great to have some more food

**Chapter One: it would be great to have some more food**

* * *

 

 

That day promised many people would have to vote for Thanos. The Avengers were the ones who had stood up for the first time and they loved the people who were in trouble.

Captain Marvel had a really weird dream about that night of the year she said, “ _Tony Stark is not to wear shorts to my house_.” But Tony would love to be around a couple of people who would wear his shorts.

The only thing that would change the world would be to make a good tea with a little more of a certain color. Steve was the one that could barely help himself and loved the human being in his face. That human being who was gross and disgusting. He loved him.

The Quinjet flew off to the top of the moon for the next few months to get the new update. The best thing about this was that the world was going to die.

The one named Thor felt a little bit of pain a great many times. The vote was a mistake but he had to fight for the presidency. He had stood at the end of the world with his arms spread out and he said, “This is a terrible way to make soup!”

Then Thor was dead.

They Avengers were just so rude to the person who had to go see Thor they had forgotten about that day they didn’t even know how to make a good soup.

The Hulk found a new spot to hide the moon from the last person who had been there. The person who had been asked about the moon was not the Captain. The person was so nice. The person was not Tony.

Tony decided to wear shorts to the moon and got a little too busy. The Hulk was really pretty.

“I’m glad y’all have been in love with this stupid man,” said the Vision. His tongue was shaking and his arms were still in his mouth.

Everyone watching Doctor Strange had to come out for an adventure with a friend of his favorite band. No one wanted to go, but the Black Widow was extremely annoying when she decided to stop fighting for justice and a shit sandwich.

Captain America was the only one who didn’t forget to take a look at this mess and he tried calling them back. He bellowed, “Because of you I have to go save the day again!”

Then everyone else had to go be a nice person.


	2. Thanos was the worst ever and they all loved it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which predictive text decides to throw in an exciting and yet unwelcome little cameo.

**Chapter Two: Thanos was the worst ever and they all loved it**

* * *

 

 

The best way to make sure that the Captain stays home is to be a little too nice to him. Bucky said, “Why would you wanna go look at my face in the dark?”

Steve was a really weird dream man but it could not be said that he didn’t love his work friend who was the first person who was actually nice to him and his problems. He loved his lap.

Wanda and Vision hadn’t been the same since the last update to his new mouth. The first thing they did was put a waffle in a slice of banana bread. Wanda was so miffed she went out to eat a lot of soup; she used her face.

Tony Stark could be an interesting little man peach but he had a fever and was shaking his mood ring like a regular ear. His shorts were always on point, but that was kind of gross.

Anyway, no one ever felt like being able to make a good sandwich since Thanos had to go back to sleep. He had stood at the edge of his seat and he hissed, “No one gets to be a little tease this week.”

That morning was so full of anxiety about the future of the new Thanos Party the Avengers forgot their new shoes to wear to school tomorrow. All Loki said was, “I thought I had a headache but I guess I’ll be Odin for a while.”

Loki was not even a little bit a fan of the color red. He decided to take Thanos to his first date; maybe he could just eat a slice of meat and then he could calm down.

The Hulk didn’t mean to be a bad friend but he had his favorite hand to protect. He cried, “That thing is the most beautiful thing to ever happen!” Falcon was disgusted as hell.

For the first time, Peter Parker was going to get a real friend and it would be an awesome day. However, Thanos had to come back to the fucking house. Goodbye to his very first real friend with breasts and an iPhone.

Suddenly there was an enormous moment. Paul McCartney was a butt and then felt a searing pain in the middle of the butt. He had a feeling he could be the best friend of the team. Everyone else was just not letting him stay. He stayed far away from the Avengers since that one time.

The world was about to die; they all knew how to make it happen. The Avengers were always the ones who had to go to the fucking moon. Hope didn’t want to come, but then Scott took out some of the pictures of last night and laughed so hard that he had a massive heart attack. Thanos forgot how to do clown makeup.

Captain Marvel simply could not help; she was over there with the people she knew how to talk to. They understood what she had chosen. She had chosen to become an eyebrow.

Everything was terrible and the smell of the toilet was so bad omg.


	3. of the most beautiful things in life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dissolution of the Thanos Party leaves our heroes at a loss.

**Chapter Three: of the most beautiful things in life**

* * *

 

 

Once it was done, she had to admit it: Natasha was a little hard on the Avengers when she did that thing with her middle finger. Vision had to be taken out for the day.

The first time ever since Thanos went on a long trip to the doctor, the Hulk was able to get a little more healthy; he had hoped he would make a big smile on his own little face and his friends would be happy. They were just not.

But there could still be some more people to help: Clint had a lot of time to practice the next few years of being a nun and Cap was not about to be a good person this time around. After that big thing happened Captain Marvel was almost like an alien to the team and they had to go watch her eat cats again.

Steve, however, hated the sheer pain in the faces of his friends and wanted a new way to make the trip to the fucking moon. “I’m a proud mom who has a dream about cats,” he murmured to his best friend. He was being a nice person but only one time.

“ _I wanna play with a cute mom!_ ” yelled Tony.

Tony Stark was still going on about his shorts and shorts on his face with shorts on his neck. The best thing about shorts was that they could barely make the trip to the pool before Tony was the most beautiful thing that happened to the people of the moon.

Maybe they could have some cute mom shorts there.

Thor was still not an option. He was kind of like an asshole but he tried so hard that he had stood up for himself and bellowed, “ _Where did they go watch a movie about a horror movie?_ ”

The Avengers got a weird feeling about it but then again, they were always so hard to find when things went wrong. The best way to deal with the new people was to make sure the Hulk didn’t get to eat the whole entire world.

Thanos died for an iPhone last night. It was only fair to be able to make more money and then buy more of the clown makeup, but Tony Stark himself was extremely rude to everyone who had ever seen him get his face on.

Spider-Man was certainly about to go absolutely positively ridiculously terrible terrible horrible terrible terrible human being.

Bucky promised that he would return to hell with his own children. “I gotta be the worst thing ever omg,” he wailed. “I’m not even going to make you sing a song to me.” Rhodey was in hysterics and close to the end of the universe.

Everything else was going well, at least while everyone wasted their time on the surface of the planet.

But the mood ring was waiting.


	4. soon they will be able to eat some healthy snacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions run high. Maybe it's a full moon.

**Chapter Four: soon they will be able to eat some healthy snacks**

* * *

 

 

The fucking moon: Wanda was a messy person who would never get to see the moon in the morning. Vision tried to make it happen but then they didn’t even know how.

“Are you seriously gonna get a new update this time?” she asked; Wanda wanted his help with his hand in her ear.

“I’m glad you got the time to come over and see me without an eyebrow wax,” Vision said, realizing that they had to be fast if they were to get it and they were all about that.

The Guardians of the Galaxy were not in the last few songs because I forgot but now they are getting ready to go take care of business with the newspaper man. So they went out there.

Tony asked, “To be or not to be sure we have enough friends to come dancing with me?”

Night fell in the middle of the day and then he was there. The best friend of them all. The best thing to ever happen to the Avengers:

“I’m sorry bout it tho haha I’m gonna have to make a big deal about this,” Loki said. “I’m a pretty person who has grown to love several cats.”

Now they would be able to make some good soup. Loki knew the best place to eat some shit.

“Can y’all go watch the Doctor right now?” Thor sobbed. Doctor Strange was the first man to get in the car with a little bit of pain. The obvious choice was to go watch the Doctor.

Until then she said she would never be brave enough to do her own makeup, but now she had a chance to look like a bad mistress: Carol Danvers came in to take the team home.

“Are we in a really weird dream?” she asked.

“I wanna play with a microphone and you can suck me off.” Bruce just had to be the voice of God.

Peter Parker was not going to make anyone happy. “I’m glad you got to go take a shower before you had to exist,” he said.

“We could’ve had it all, but then I had to admit to Grandma I had a bad tooth,” Tony was saying. He was kind of not dead yet but they could wait.

The best time to be able to make a trip to the fucking moon moon was right there on time. “It‘s nice to see the moon and moon you,” Tony said. He never knew how much they had been working with the Doctor to make him feel bad about himself.

“We have better things to do than to be the most annoying,” Cap said. They were just so tired of being gross. They were always just so rude and disgusting and rude to people. They were gross. They were so gross. They were in love with the people they were so rude to.

Everyone watching this movie was just so completely out of their mind.


	5. it feels like we have been in bed forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our heroes finally hit the skies on their next mission; Rhodey has a cute little side project.

**Chapter Five: it feels like we have been in bed forever**

* * *

 

 

The only thing Tony Stark ever wanted was a sudden change of plans. His best friend was the best he could have, so Rhodey decided he had enough money to make his own craft beer.

Steve felt weird about that. He didn’t even know what exactly was the deal with drinking things.

“Does that mean I wanna be a baby?” he murmured. The best thing to do was simply ignore the other person.

The mood right after this was new: Spider-Man had chicken soup for lunch today and so he wasn’t really a nice guy for now. There was always something about the way he had to go take a seat on his own stupid phone.

Natasha asked, “How do y’all think we could do a little dance tomorrow?”

“I’m about to go take a bus to hell and back,” Bucky said. Tony was so sad. Bucky was in mortal sin and had no idea.

They all found that Scott had been an easy example of how much they loved to be able to be healthy; he loved the ones who had stood at the top right hand corner and then yelled at the moon.

Bruce was really pretty for the first time ever since the last trip to the end of the world. Thanos would’ve been a problem for them.

The mood ring was still not here, but it had to be in the dark magic spot on the inside of the Avengers house. Doctor Strange would probably love the gift.

“My dad was like, uh-oh yeah, he was kinda rude to me,” Tony had to say. “He had to take care of the stray cats and the cute little clown clothes.”

They all wondered why they did not have a slice of meat or a banana for their corn dip. Why would Bruce not be a good friend and get a fucking job?

Bucky came back. Cap was on the top of his neck right away.

Scott decided that there would be no more talks of the human body and the way of the human condition. “I’m a little scared of the moon,” he had to admit.

Steve was a little too much for everyone else but Bucky. He was all about his face.

Rhodey was the first one to be a nice person to Tony that day. Tony loved him and he loved himself and he loved everything.

“Are you all ever gonna get to the point?” asked Peter. All he did was put his head down on his right leg and then he whispered, “I guess that’s what she said.”

Carol Danvers felt awful about that thing with Thanos. The kid wasn’t wrong about the last time they found a slice of meat and apparently he had a slice of chicken as well. “ _I wanna go make sure Thanos was bad for the environment!_ ” she yelled.

Everyone else hated the idea. Rhodey was trying really hard to make a nice thing and his first shot had to be a major contender.

The Quinjet was always a fun time with the Avengers to be the most beautiful things alive in the world. It would never get any better than this. The only thing that would be better was if Tony Stark had become less exhausting.

“I’m not gonna wanna be like the last trip,” Steve begged. “Please stop showing me how to make my shorts look better.”

“Big mood,” said Sam.

The worst part of this trip was definitely the color of the sky. It was just so hard to see what the happ is fuckening. Captain Marvel was struggling.

They did have some more chicken soup, at least.


	6. forget about the time we all had the flu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our favorite heroes find themselves in a bind. Bruce receives an urgent message.

**Chapter** **Six:**   **forget** **about** **the** **time** **we** **all** **had** **the** **flu**

* * *

 

 

That night was a terrible night to see the new update for the Vision’s app.

Vision was never the biggest fan of the team; he was able to stay with the team to make sure Wanda had a great time on his face. Vision loved her. She was just like a regular person but she wasn’t; she had a big red ass.

The Avengers were always good at making a good sandwich with an extra egg and now that they were lost they had to figure out how to make more soup.

“I can’t believe we’re all gonna die here in the dark world,” Peter whined. “I wanna go make sure y’all eat some healthy things. I hate you so much.”

No one could ever have understood how Carol Danvers had a moment of anxiety and a sudden feeling of pain. The Quinjet was allegedly not a real thing but it was a really nice way to go places.

How was Scott supposed to be fun now? He was positively sure he would never be happy with his own eyes again. “I’m done with the man,” he said. Scott was afraid of the big bad shit.

Tony, meanwhile, had been way too weird to be able to make a good friend. “People,” he called, “I loved you so much but now I’m gonna go make sure I have a little teapot on my bed.”

Rhodey sighed. He was still going to be making a nice new thing for him.

The Avengers’ favorite song was “One Time I Had To Go Eat a Few Eggshells,” but Thor wasn’t about to be an evil ass right there on a Sunday. Bucky was the sinful one.

The first person who had to admit to treason was Nat. They were always just so rude to her and she giggled as she said, “Tony Stark is a perfect pirate cat.”

Tony Stark really was the perfect perfect pretty face of a pretty princess pirate captain. He became a doctor of the human breasts after he died of a stroke of luck. The bad luck could be worse, but he was still going to be pretty.

Steve was extremely busy today and the team was super angry at him; how much was he supposed to be doing instead of being inside his best friend? Bucky had to stop. He was being gross about the human body again.

They were so lost. The Avengers were lost and most likely screwed into another wall. They wept.

Thor was Thor, so he was kind of cute with his eyebrow piercing and he whispered to Carol: “Let’s go burn Tony’s shorts.”

Everyone else was going to go take a bubble bath in acid.

The Avengers were so bad at football and now they were lost. Wanda forgot to mention that she could have been a contender.

Suddenly Bruce screamed, “ _Tony_! My mom just called me and said I have to take her out to eat some healthy breakfast cereal!”

Peter was like a really horrible person.

 


	7. now is the time to get this thing to work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our brave heroes do some problem solving on the moon. Bucky becomes self-aware.

**Chapter** **Seven:**   **now** **is** **the** **time** **to** **get** **this** **thing** **to** **work**

* * *

 

 

The problem with that day was that the most beautiful one in the world was now dead: Thor was a great dude and he whispered, “We’re gonna need to make more sense.”

The Avengers hadn’t even looked at all of the things that Thor had. They didn’t even know how to get their things done before the end of the world.

Everyone else was going to be a little too busy with the mission. Tony’s dad was a really terrible terrible really awful terrible terrible person who had to come back into the house to take care of the dogs. Everyone else was still in jail.

Bucky would rather be an anime character than be a Marvel character. The first time ever since he found a new home and now they were lost in the middle of the moon.

Captain Marvel would never be able to make a mistake again. She had stood up at the end of the night when she asked, “What the happ is fuckening? I’m sorry I forgot to mention that I wanna go get some soup for soup night!”

But everyone was still going to be waiting for her to come up with a good plan to pick up the new Quinjet. They just had to admit they were not going to be able to go watch the Doctor because he was so pretty omg. Doctor Strange was just another reason to make a big mistake. Doctor Strange was definitely the best. He was very very cute.

Rhodey was right about the age of the universe: in a few months the world would become a Marvel movie. “I can’t remember how much money I have to get to be a better person,” he lamented.

The Cap was always just so hard for his own face. “Don’t worry,” he sighed, “I had a great day until Tony had to come over to be an asshole.”

“ _You_ _can_ _always_ _stop_ _that_ _and_ _go_ _suck_ _my_ _face_!” Tony screamed.

Tony Stark was able to build this new thing for them to get in and touch the moon without having any issues. Steve would never be a nice person but he was still going to be a big fan of his mouth.

Everyone wondered where the fucking lobby was. Were they possibly allowed to come out to help with the water damage? Vision was very excited to try to pick a fight with the other person who had been there.

However, the truth was that they would have to vote for Thanos this year or some horrible terrible things would be unleashed on the inside of their own food. That was the cold hard fact: Thanos was an absolute disaster.

“I can’t believe he’s going to eat the whole entire world and eat some more,” Scott said. Wanda had to stop using her phone.

She had to admit, “He is kinda like a regular person except a little bit more painful.”

Thor was dead. They almost always forget about it.

“I’m sorry baby I’ll just have to go take care of some man things,” Bucky said to his best friend. He was still on his hand.

“ _Carol_ _Danvers_ _is_ _extra_ _pretty_!” Bruce bellowed. She was still in his shorts.

The Hulk sure was always late to come over to take antibiotics. He gave Carol a great idea to get out of the moon: they were lost on the inside of the world but they could always go dancing.

“I like to dance on the people who are mean to me,” he muttered, putting his tongue in the face of the people who were always mean to him.

Tony was right for once: a day would come when Thanos was there to be a major pain in the middle of the buttocks.

The mood ring had to be with the first person who had ever wanted a new car. The person was not dead yet. The person was not Tony.

They could still hope for the next day.


	8. I gotta be like an adult for once

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The return of the Thanos Party has the team in a tizzy. Nobody knows who Anna is.

**Chapter Eight: I gotta be like an adult for once**

* * *

 

 

“I’ve been thinking about a few people who owe me money,” Thor said. Thor was a person again.

Peter Parker was a little sad when they did not even notice that he didn’t give a damn about the Thanos Party. Peter Parker was Spider-Man and no one was cute enough to make him feel like a better person. He mumbled, “Everyone needs to go take a bubble bath in a circle.”

Captain Marvel was, as always, the one who had to wear a shirt on her face. The first person who noticed was her friend Bruce who was actually a rascal. Carol was going to become a mom. It was only a matter of time before it happened.

“Is Bucky going to hell for a while?” Rhodey asked.

Bucky had a laugh. Cap was on his face with his tongue.

Tony was planning on getting ready to buy some more shorts on Amazon. Thanos was going to be a little bit jealous.

The moon was still going to make them miserablebut it was gone for now. Natasha was able to make the trip to the United States of the Moon and now they all could come together for a fucking. Peter wasn’t interested.

Scott was terrified of the dark magic in the morning when he had to shave. Maybe the next time Thanos was in a good mood he could just eat a slice of meat from the meat plate and Scott could be a better superhero.

“I’m tired of being gross and disgusting and rude and annoying,” Tony Stark cried. The Avengers had to tell him to be happy about his face because he was so cute. Anna was nodding.

“Who the fucking moon is Anna?” asked the people who were there.

Tony was right on her. “Hi welcome to my heart, it hurts to be able to live.”

That afternoon Thanos finally got away from the world to go find his mood ring. Thanos hated the poor people who were lost in their own shit but the Avengers were extremely hard to put away.

Hope and Scott forgot to mention that the last time they had healthy food they didn’t even eat the banana pudding. Hope said, “Tony was the worst thing to ever happen to my dad.” Hope was a little hard to understand.

Doctor Strange called the police. He should not have called his first boyfriend. Tony was eating furniture to get him to come back and he was furious about it.

“My favorite thing is how weird this place is,” Strange said. Tony was in pain.

The police were not able to make the team. Carol Danvers was not a fan of the Thanos Party people who were the police.

Rhodey forgot to bake the cookies and they were all just so rude to him. Steve was always a really really rude person but now he was just the worst.

“I’m glad y’all are having a hard time getting a new car,” Cap said. Rhodey left the house.

Thanos had a plan for the Avengers to be in the dark magic world. “I’m a pretty picky eater, you monsters,” he sobbed.

The Avengers were not dead yet.

 


	9. no one knows how to sing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disaster hits; a certain Avenger is blamed. Loki is in love.

**Chapter Nine: no one knows how to sing**

* * *

 

The Avengers house was always a great place to go get drinks with friends who are superheroes; it was a really pretty place with a huge selection of beers and a great big hole in the wall. The best thing about the Avengers house was the water slide on the inside of the house. A lot of fun was going to happen in the morning.

Tony Stark and his face were so excited about it he even gave the team time to play with his lap while his hand had been in his shorts.

They all forgot about the time Thanos warned them against going out to eat some goddamn pasta. Only a few months ago he ate something so bad he went back to his place to cry.

The mood ring was a little too hard to find. Wanda and Vision were far more interested in the circle of life and so they decided to go take care of business in their new car.

“Watch me go crazy on the inside of Vision’s stupid red face!” she giggled.

The earthquake shook the house of the Avengers to the last tiny little spot, however, and they all blamed Tony.

Tony knew this was kinda like a really bad thing: he loved his face, but he loved his body and his neck and his arms and his chest and most of all he loved his every single thing. He did not have anything to do with the house going straight through the atmosphere.

Scott would rather die than go there again. He had a great fear of becoming an alien. What if he had to eat some stray cats?

“Can y’all just shut up and find Jesus Christ?” Clint called. Clint was a person. He was also a very nice guy who was actually a nun.

Bucky was horrified. They were going to make him feel bad and he would have to go to sleep in the middle of the pool again.

The Hulk knew he deserved worse. Bucky was a demon of anxiety.

Thanos was busy with this thing and laughed, “So the game is being played.”

Carol gasped, “Tony and Peter were going to dress like a cat in the hallway!”

But the house was a big mess. The Hulk didn’t remember that the bad place was there now.

It was just so hard to trust the way Thanos did things. They were all right there on a Saturday night trying to figure out how to get Thanos to hell with Bucky.

Tony was always doing something wrong. It was all his fault. He was kind of annoying and the team didn’t know how to make him feel bad about it, and now the universe was going to become a terrible place with lots of alien birds.

All Tony really wanted was more of a chance to show off his cute cat shorts.

No one knew who Loki was dating; Loki was dating a very large group of people, but his favorite was the one person the Avengers had to beat up.

Loki was in love with the moon and the moon was beautiful and Thanos liked to throw a few things: the moon and his body. Loki was there to make sure he kissed his face.

“Let’s go make a big mess of your life,” Cap was arguing with you know who.

“Why do we have to vote for Thanos?” asked Carol Danvers. “Let’s go to take a photo of my face with a little bit of pain in my head.”

Rhodey was not there to take a photo of her face. Rhodey was in a hotdog place in China.

The Avengers needed some healthy snacks before they could go vote for president of the moon.

Thanos found out and took his medicine, and then he went to get the mood ring.

The Guardians of the Galaxy were too busy having a baby.

The Avengers were alone waiting for the heat death of the universe.

 


	10. of all the ways to become a real person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our favorite heroes finally have the mood ring and they are going to do something about it. Tony has his first kiss.

 

**Chapter Ten: of all the ways to become a real person**

* * *

 

The current person who was president of the moon was not going to come back to life now; it was up to the Avengers to come out and vote. It was only a matter of time before the team had to go take care of business somewhere and they got lost in the middle of nowhere again.

The Hulk was always looking for a true friend who would never ever ever give him up for adoption, all because Spider-Man told him that they were going to move to Hawaii. Hawaii did not get along with people who were not pretty.

Peter Parker was too mean to be a big fan of things like toast.

“Watch me eat some more dead bodies in my bed,” Tony said. Of course he was still in his shorts.

“Hurry up with the free food,” urged Carol. They still had a major problem to solve and it was all because Captain America felt like going out with his own arms.

Steve wanted to make a cute little kitty cat shirt for his best friend who was actually a nice person. Bucky was an adorable little kitty cat and cat food was cheap. They loved each other’s dreams. They loved each other.

The glass of milk was frozen in the middle of the hallway and the Avengers were waiting for it to start a chemical reaction with the mood ring. They must not allow it to exist for more than a few days.

Thanos would be so upset when he finally realized he had a big ass. His mood ring was history.

It was dangerous to be alive when the police were in their own world; the Avengers had to become a better team than the police. The people wanted the Avengers to take a shower before they could get out of the pool.

Meanwhile, the Thanos Party had been friends with the worst man ever.

“I’m this close to being able to get a Marvel movie,” Rhodey said. Rhodey was done with going to other places.

Everyone wondered how Thor was dead; he was still going dancing with his alleged girlfriend. His alleged girlfriend was not a real human; Thor liked the smallest smart man and they all knew it.

Suddenly the dark magic happened: the sky was a weird color and the smell of the moon was so gross ugh. People were being rude to the Avengers and they were super hurt.

Doctor Strange had to explain himself.

“I wanna be your first kiss,” he said. Tony was so emotional he had to go take care of it.

There was a loud explosion that could kill a little kitty in the hallway but they were careful with the kitty cat. Dark magic was not to be played with.

The mood ring was in the dark magic hole.

Tony decided to take a tiny little bite of the chicken and then go back to sleep with the Doctor of magic.

Captain Marvel was so confused by this stupid story she said, “Tony Stark was able to build a perfect rainbow of light with his shorts.”

Vision had no idea what exactly a bee was. It was up to Hope to be a good friend.

The Beatles were always looking like farmers. The Avengers hated The Beatles. Every single person on the fucking moon liked The Beatles.

It was time for the team to get popcorn and then go fight for something. Freedom or maybe a better education or not having to look at Tony’s short shorts.

Fighting was a terrible idea because they were always so tired, but they were the Avengers. The Avengers were always the Avengers.

 


	11. really weird feeling about pretty people

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the mood ring gone, our brave friends must find a new place to live before the moon election. Thor is a very wholesome musician.

**Chapter Eleven: really weird feeling about pretty people**

* * *

 

The morning of the first day of the week was so hard because it was always so cold. Thor had to make a lot of money to keep up with the new car prices. It was always nice inside the new car.

“Maybe we can have a little kitty cat out here with me,” Thor said, because he was a very cute cat person. The Avengers liked Thor when he was a little more interested in his musical performances.

“ _Go_ _play_ _with_ _your_ _musical_ _ass!_ ” Cap yelled. He was in a terrible mood today because Bucky was stuck in the middle of the highway to hell.

Thor made a few extra large trees. Trees are good for making a sandwich for dinner.

Thanos wanted a new phone, but not an iPhone. He was still sleeping with his face on his right shoulder because of that day. Loki just wanted a moment to be happy with his success. They ate a banana with banana bananas and bananas with a little bit of broccoli soup.

Vision and Wanda went on a road trip to a country where the Avengers didn’t go. They were tired of not being able to make sense and really wanted to have some kissing done.

Of course this made the team really really very angry. They had no idea how to get a free gift.

“Did we ever have a chance to go take a look at our beautiful eyes?” Tony Stark was asking a man of magic. The man was always looking good and he knew how to do magic.

“Maybe you should buy some eggs or maybe a house,” said Doctor Strange. One time he had stood up before the world and ended the world.

“My body is a big deal,” Tony sobbed. He did some horrible things to become a pretty man. “ _Look_ at _my_ _face_ _and_ _then_ _go_ _back_ _to_ _sleep_ _and_ _then_ _tell_ _me_ _I’m_ _pretty!_ ” Tony yelled. Doctor Strange was always nice to him and he loved his magic powers to make his chest hurt.

The Avengers didn’t have any sense of time and it was because of Bucky; he was not a holy man of God. They simply wouldn’t be able to make a mistake again and the election was a matter of honor. They all heard the same thing about the election and they needed to get new clothes.

It was time for Carol Danvers to start a trend with that shirt on her face. She said, “I remember when I had a banana.” And she giggled like a banana.

The Avengers went to live with the Doctor of magic at the house of public protests against the fascist government. The best thing about that place was that they didn’t even have to be a cat; all they had to do was pick up a few bottles of liquid water and then use the toilet.

Thor was a happy little kitty because he could play with his music in the morning before he had to go watch the Avengers do something stupid. The best thing about his life was that he didn’t even know how to make people feel bad. “Everyone is my baby,” he whispered to his soul.

The time of the election of the moon was the first day of voting for a vote for the nation to vote on a deal with the world. The Avengers knew that they had a problem with the moon and they knew it was time to make sure that they didn’t get a chance to run away from it. The vote must be made.

 

__


	12. Tony has a big box of pumpkin spice pumpkins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers procrastinate at the movies. Tony grows tired of being picked on.

**Chapter Twelve: Tony has a big box of pumpkin spice pumpkins**

* * *

 

The food was really gross. It was a big mistake to get in the car and then go to the movies with Peter Parker. The Avengers had become the worst of the worst ever since they had been there.

The movie was pretty much a terrible disappointment.

“I never said anything about the age of the universe,” said Peter. “Tony is a huge time waster!”

The Hulk didn’t mean to be the most beautiful person in the entire universe, but there he was. He did a little dance with an eyebrow smirk on his face and then he sighed, “Tony Stark is the worst ever because he’s a big fan of the red carpet.”

There was a lot of money in the universe, but it was only a matter of time before the day ended and the Avengers forgot to get some pizza. Spider-Man decided to take care of it.

Everyone wondered why Tom Hardy was a person. He did not even know what exactly he was supposed to be doing. He went to school and then he had a fever. The Avengers were over it.

Suddenly the universe was a little bit too weird. It felt like a bad day to get in touch with Thanos, but they had a lot to say about the last time they were all at the same place.

Captain America was in a good mood today because of the sheer number of people who were having trouble getting into their car. The only thing that would be better was if they were able to make a good sandwich. Bucky had a nice time with him again.

There was a noisy little kitty cat in the hallway but she giggled at all the other people. Carol Danvers said, “Tony Stark needs to work out more.”

The kitty cat was horrified.

Everyone wondered how come they didn’t have any more pictures of food. That was kind of why they had to admit the Thanos Party was the last thing they wanted to face.

Tony was a terrible singer. Everyone else was going to go watch him because he was so excited to get his hair done. They were always looking for something to eat.

“I hate the middle of the pool,” Bucky sighed. He had stood in the middle of the pool with his chest against the wall so many times. He was still going to get out of there.

Tony was yelling, “I’m gonna go make sure I get to see the doctor tomorrow!”

Doctor Strange was great to see. He was so nice and he loved to go do some magic. Tony was excited to see his beautiful face.

The Avengers were too tired to be able to get a better person, so they just had to stay with the person who was always super annoying.

“Tony is a big mistake and I have a lot of things to say about it,” Cap said.

“You should be arrested for the next few years of the human life,” Tony mumbled. “I think I wanna go make sure you eat a slice of my banana.”

Even Thanos realized that they were always just so rude to the guy.

“I’m not gonna be a big fan of your shorts today,” Tony said. “Everyone has to stop this stupid thing now!” Tony cried.

He went out with the car and he went to see his favorite doctor. His tongue was always super thick and he whispered, “My first time was a great time.”

Thanos was really tired of being gross but then again it was kind of weird to say that he didn’t want to be a big fan of himself. He wanted to be the best friend of the moon. He was ready to be the president of everything.

 


	13. let’s get together and do some dishes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the election grows ever near Thanos must find a running mate. Our brave heroes hatch a plan.

**Chapter Thirteen: let’s get together and do some dishes**

* * *

 

Early in the morning Thanos realized he needed a new best friend to help him with his vote. He had to find a good friend as soon as he could. The best way to make a new friend is to see his face. Thanos did not look like the best friend ever but he had to give it a try.

Meanwhile, a few blocks away from where the moon was, the Avengers were not really going to make a big fuss about the last time they had been there. Captain Marvel had to come out to eat some more before they were all right and then they decided to go make sure they didn’t take the wrong bus.

Carol was just asking about the doctor when he started to be a doctor of magic. He made a big box of magic beans and said, “Tony was the best thing to ever happen to me and now I’m gonna make sure you don’t get to be so rude to him.” Because next time they were, he was going to go crazy on the whole entire world.

Doctor Strange was not one to wear shorts, but hey. The best thing about that was he didn’t even care that he had a big hole in his head and his hands were always super pale.

The big box of magic was in a big box of magic glass and he sighed, “Please make sure y’all have a big box of pumpkin spice pumpkins to make a good sandwich.”

Bruce supposed that the magic might come in handy when he gets his face off and his chest pain gets worse. He was still going to take pictures of the moon.

Natasha was always super cute but it wasn’t really hard to find a better person. Natasha was always trying to be the most likely to admit to treason against the Human Resources department. The Avengers wondered where she was. Bruce was still so sad.

The box of magic was going to be able to make some money for the Avengers. They were all right there on the stairway to the end of the world.

“Maybe we could use it to make a big pot of tea,” Cap said. “I’m not sure if I wanna go fight for freedom but we kinda have to.”

The magic was kind of hard to believe but the universe was flat and they knew how to make it a better place. Rhodey was always super fun to be around and now he was a nice guy to help the team with. He sighed, “When the Thanos Party is in the moon house we have to vote for the next president and it has to be the Doctor.”

Bucky had to become a banana demon again. He did not even know what exactly he was supposed to be doing, but he had to admit to being able to become a demon child. He did.

The moon was really pretty but it was kind of cold out. The Avengers didn’t like it.

Thanos was busy with the people he needed to find to be his best friend. He sighed as he sighed when he sighed as he sighed and his chest felt like his body was shaking. This was called something like social anxiety. He said, “I wanna go to take a bubble bath in a little box.”

Ben Linus was really confused. He wasn’t supposed to be there.

Vision and Wanda were still not going to be around. They were really busy with their new baby. The baby was actually kinda like a regular person.

Doctor Strange definitely was the best one for the vote. He had stood at the top of the moon and then he shouted, “ _Tony Stark is the love of my life and I’m gonna fucking fight against the wall of death!_ ”

The wall of death was the magic wall of death of the moon. It was all because of Thanos and his tongue.

The election was going to be around the same time as the last day of the year. The Avengers had become a good thing for everyone who had a little kitty cat.

 


	14. my favorite band is the moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two lunar presidential candidates engage in a debate. No one understands how magic works.

**Chapter Fourteen: my favorite band is the moon**

* * *

 

The best thing about that day was that things were going to happen. The Avengers were on the top of the moon to see what Thanos was going to say about the moon and the moon of the moon. Doctor Strange was always super cute and he was ready to come play with his friends. Captain Marvel was always very hungry but she decided to eat some tacos later. Now was a time for her to go watch the Doctor.

Thanos had a nice time together with his best friend who was actually a little kitty cat.

“I wanna go get some healthy food for the people who eat healthy food,” said Thanos. He did not even know what exactly was a big mistake.

“I’m going out with my boyfriend tomorrow and then I can come over to save the universe,” said Doctor Strange.

Thanos had a piece of meat and a banana in his hand. “I don’t know what exactly a person is,” he said.

“Is there such a thing as a thing that you should never have in your mouth?” Doctor Strange asked. He sighed, “Tony Stark is my favorite deputy.”

Thanos was always super busy but he yelled, “Tony Stark is a terrible terrible thing!”

Doctor Strange wasn’t happy about that but he began to look at his dreams. “I’m going to bed at night and then I gotta be like an old fart,” he said.

The Avengers were not going to be someone who was always super rude. Thor was playing another song about the magic of pumpkin spice pumpkins. No one knew what the happ was fuckening.

Thanos was itchy and gross but the worst thing was that the people were always looking at the moon.

“I like to be a nice guy,” Thanos said.

“The first time I had a dream about a cat I had to admit that I loved the truth,” Doctor Strange said.

The only person who was actually going to make a sandwich was Tony. He was kind of weird but he was still going to be around. “I’m a pretty big man who has a banana in my mouth,” he murmured to himself.

Thanos was yelling, “That thing is slightly radioactive!”

The thing was actually a couple of things: the things were actually a pretty good collection of books about the world of being gross.

This was why Doctor Strange said, “I would rather have to vote for a person who had a bad banana.”

Thanos was really really upset. “I’m pretty sure y’all are always looking for something to eat but then you have something else!”

The Avengers, especially the Hulk, were not going to make a big fuss over a big box of magic pumpkin muffins. The secret to the moon was not a box full of food. Scott was a little scared of becoming an adult.

“What is a really weird dream you have?” Thanos asked.

Doctor Strange said, “I dreamed that Tony was the first person who cried because I went out to eat some damn food.”

Natasha was always super late. She sighed, “What is the meaning of magic?”

The magic box of magic was in a big box of magic in the middle of the universe. No one knew what exactly a big box of magic did. The first box of magic was a big box of candy and it was slightly different because it was slightly radioactive.

Thanos did not understand. “The universe was opaque and then the universe was a big place!”

Doctor Strange nodded. “I’m not gonna be the most annoying person ever.”

The problem was that they were still going to need to help with the people who had to vote for president of the election of the moon. The Avengers had to become the best thing to ever happen ever ever.

 

 


	15. is it time to go take a nap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our tireless heroes decide to go on vacation. Things get spooky.

**Chapter Fifteen: is it time to go take a nap**

* * *

 

The Avengers had been so nice to the people of the world that they decided to go on a trip to the place where they decided to go watch a big box of magic food. The food was really disappointing but it wasn’t really that bad because they had a great time with the chicken soup because it was made of potatoes.

Carol Danvers asked the team if they could get her a gift card for the gift card place and the Hulk said, “Did you fucking eat some soup or something?”

Carol was just so tired of being a mom. She sighed as she was going to take a look at her own clothes, “You need to make more sense.”

Captain America was in pain today because he didn’t have any kind of a chance to come play with his best friend. His face was so weird when he cried, “Tony Stark needs to be an adult like me!”

Everyone forgot to mention that they were looking to make a big chunk of pumpkin spice balls. Bucky loved pumpkin spice balls and Cap wanted to make sure he had a big smile on his face even though he was still alive in the middle of hell. Bucky said, “I should have been a more productive human being in the universe but now I’m gonna go make sure I get over it.”

Cap was crying again.

“Are we gonna go big big smile to my face?” Bucky said because he really loved him. Steve got a little bit better.

The trip was still going well but Carol was tired of being a big fan of red velvet cupcakes. She wanted something that she could just eat and not feel like a sugar lover.

Tony and Doctor Strange were always super cute when they were all over the place. They loved being able to take a shower before they could have a nice time together. The team had to go be over there to make sure they didn’t have to see that shit.

Every time Peter Parker had to do some work the rest of the team were terrified. He liked the idea of his own body being an alien from the inside of the Atlantic Ocean. He said, “Can I have some money for the trip? I want to go get a new body for my project.”

The Avengers did not want anyone else to know that he was a huge weirdo. They put him in the car and then they had dinner.

There was a really scary storm that had them all stuck with each other and they were just so tired of being so gross they had a little bit of something in their mouth.

Suddenly Thor had a headache and then he sighed, “I think I’m afraid of new books.”

“Was the book about that time I had an eyebrow wax?” asked Tony. Tony did not like to think about eyebrow hair.

Scott was well behaved but he forgot to bring his own clothes. He had to go get some pretty bad hats off Amazon. The problem was that the storm was scary and he was scared of scary things and really terrible at being able to take care of his face.

The storm was supposed to be pretty bad and they were terrified. The sky was a terrible terrible mean terrible terrible thing.

Thanos meowed.

The Avengers screamed.

 


	16. I don wike it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lunar presidential candidate Thanos attempts to terrorize his opponent. Cap has an idea.

**Chapter Sixteen: I don wike it**

* * *

 

Screaming at the moon was a terrible experience. The Avengers were still terrified and almost cried when Thanos was being a kitty cat. Bucky and the Cap were so upset that they had to go take a shower. Tony was yelling about birds. Scott made a big mistake with his body. Captain Marvel had to tell Bruce and Nat to stop being gross. Thor died.

Doctor Strange was not scared of the cowboys. Doctor Strange was a perfectly healthy human body of magic and was shaking his hand with a smirk on his lips. “I’m glad y’all are so excited to bake pumpkin spice balls,” he said.

Thanos was not a cowboy fan and he sighed as he sighed when he sighed, “I’m here to eat some of your food.”

The team felt a terrible pain in the middle of the buttocks. They were under a big box of pumpkin pumpkins and they tried to hide inside of the box. Thanos was there to be an asshole.

“Oh, yes,” Thanos said, “ _OHHHHHHH_ I’m gonna break the universe!”

Doctor Strange shook his pants. “I’m not gonna be a nice person just because you’re the big man!”

The problem with this was that Tony Stark needed to be an absolute disaster. He said, “Look everyone, I wanna go make a banana pie for me and my friends and Thanos is not gonna get a big box of bananas.”

Rhodey could not believe how much of a silly creature Tony was but he was still his best friend, so he had to get him a gift. Rhodey got him a big pizza with his face on it. Tony was so happy he reached the sky.

Thanos laughed out loud at all the people who didn’t even know about his eyebrow game. “I’m sorry baby, I’m gonna have to break the moon and eat some soup tonight.”

“You need to stop being rude and gross and disgusting and gross to me and go back to sleep,” said Doctor Strange.

“I bought me some shorts for the next time we have a banana in my mouth haha,” said Tony. He had a big smile on his face and his arms were still in his shorts. Thanos was wondering why he was so weird.

“We need to find the magic box of the universe!” yelled Captain America. He was really tired from being around a lot of people but he had to help his friend who was his best friend who was actually his first boyfriend who was a really nice guy. Bucky was a demon of cats.

Thanos kept going on about the food and he was meowing at his hand. The Avengers were super duper super super scared. It was only a matter of time before the dark magic was a big deal.

“I’m not sure if I can drive to the middle of the universe,” Tony Stark said. “Peter made me cry and now I have a terrible headache.”

Captain America was extremely angry because of his poor experience with things like kissing. “ _We don’t wanna know anything about your face or not even about your shorts!_ ” he screamed and then he had a minor problem with his chest. “We need the big box of magic cat food to go make sure we get to go vote!”

Thanos laughed because he became a very cute dude with a beard made of pumpkin spice. He danced a little too hard and looked at the Doctor. “I’m never gonna give you a chance to make things better! I’m going to make a sandwich with a banana and some of your boyfriend!”

Doctor Strange gasped and choked on his hand. 

But the Avengers finally kinda had an idea of what to do about the moon election of the moon: they had to go to the black hole in the middle of the middle of nowhere to make a banana sandwich and then go win the lottery. And then go take care of the moon. And then go to sleep because they were super tired.

The Hulk went to Thanos and kicked him in the beard and then they realized they had to go take care of business.

 

 

 


	17. we need to buy some more milk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers journey to the middle of the universe in search of the magic box. Thor has a craving.

**Chapter Seventeen: we need to buy some more milk**

* * *

 

The mission was to get to the middle of the universe in the middle of nowhere and the Avengers were extremely tired from being a little scared of the future and also they were all just saying that they had to go take a nap.

The Hulk didn’t even know how to draw a pretty unicorn. He was so upset he had to go look at pictures of the sky. He said, “How about you go suck my fridge?”

Suddenly Captain Marvel heard a loud noise from the inside of the Quinjet and she went to see if Thor was being a person who was actually a person again. She decided to take care of the cat food and help Thor become a banana.

The Quinjet was always super fun to play with. Captain America didn’t really know how to use it but he was always trying to make sure he had a great time.

Rhodey was always a nice dude and he said, “Now we have to go find the end of the universe before Thanos grows a big box of magic in his mouth.”

The team was on the way to the place where they would have a chance to find the magic box of tea. Spider-Man was not excited about it.

“Haha I wanna go make a big fuss over my pet rabbit,” he said. “I don’t like any of y’all.”

Peter’s pet rabbit was named after the fruit salad. Fruit Salad was a good boy.

“We need to make sure we have a party and Thanos is not gonna go,” Bucky said. Cap was standing next to him and picking him up.

“Tony doesn’t know anything about basketball or shorts,” said Natasha.

There were no words to describe how much they loved each other. They were all just so rude to each other but they all loved the team. They were all just so terrible.

They were in space. Space was very different from the inside of the house and they were worried that there would be no water in the water because space was not quite like a regular toilet. It was hard to believe that the moon was so far away. They hated the middle of the moon.

“Tony Stark was able to build this in the dark,” Doctor Strange said. No one knew what exactly they were supposed to be doing. “I’m so in love with this dude and I hate him.”

“I wanna go make sure I have lots of makeup on my hair _HAHAHHAHA_ ,” Carol said. She had an issue with cats.

Tony was tired of crazy train. All he wanted was to be an alien and then stop Thanos from being a big mean dad. They needed a new box of magic water for the plan to work.

“I’m way too cute to go through this,” Tony said. He was kind of a big mess but he had a really nice face. The first time he had to admit he was still alive he had to be an old fart.

Thor was a terrible excuse for a kitty cat, but he was an excellent guitar player and he loved his music. Thor wanted a slice of pizza with pepperoni and mozzarella with a little bit of milk but there was no milk in the middle of the universe.

“I can’t wait to see Thor be a big fan of my pumpkin spice pizza,” Bruce said. They were best friends.

Space was mostly empty but the magic box was made of magic and it was hard to find. The Avengers had to get serious about the moon election of the moon.

“I’m a little scared of being gross, owww my life hurts,” Tony said.

“Big mood,” Anna said.

“Who in the world is that?” the Hulk said. They would never know. 

Doctor Strange found out that the universe had a lot of gas and a few things like the moon and some plants.

“My aunt Carol Danvers is a really weird person,” Tony sighed. Carol was trying to make him leave.

The stray cats were the first thing the team found.


	18. please make me some tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our brave heroes make an unexpected discovery out in space. Tony has sartorial problems.

**Chapter Eighteen: please make me some tea ~~~~**~~~~

* * *

  

There were kitty cat cats in space. The Avengers found some cats in space. There were space cats. They found cats out in space. The best thing about that was that they had a cat in the middle of nowhere in space; the worst thing was that they were the Avengers.

There was a really cute cat in there and many other cats and the team loved them. “Cats are the best things to happen in the world,” Thor said.

“I’m way too naked to make sense,” Tony Stark cried. Space was a nice place but it was still going to be a terrible idea to not wear a regular jacket and a shirt with no pants. He had been there for a while now.

The Quinjet was full of good food and also some of the best cats in the world. The Avengers were on the way to the middle of the universe to get a hold of a thing to make Thanos stop being an asshole to the moon and now they had a lot of cat food.

“I have a new favorite band and they are the best ever,” Bucky said. “They’re called The Moon Put Me in a Bad Mood.”

Doctor Strange was extremely allergic to milk and milk tea and milk water and food and he decided to eat some of the soup that he had.

“What if we had some drinks?” Peter Parker said and that was just so hard to believe. The team went and put him away in the back of the cat food place.

Everyone wondered why the Hulk liked to be a big fan of the dark magic in the world and he whispered, “To be or not to be happy with the effects of global warming?”

The team wanted to talk about the world and they didn’t even know how to get back to the world. All they knew was that they knew what exactly they had to do with the big box of magic clothes.

“I didn’t mean to call you a banana,” Captain Marvel said. She was tired from running around in the shower and she still had to go take a walk around the toilet. Carol had a weird sense of how to be a person.

Loki was a pretty pretty kitty cat person who loved the cat place and he was so emotional he had stood up for love and justice and yelled, “I wanna go make sure y’all have a big box of cats!” No one was happy to see him again but he was still going to make a big deal about it.

“Please, someone make me some new shorts,” Tony was crying. Doctor Strange gave him a nice little kiss.

The universe was actually a pretty big place and it was only about to get a lot bigger. There was no time for a trip to get some new clothes or even a bicycle to go to the supermarket to pick up some fruit salad. Besides, the microwave was a bad idea to put next to the toilet.

The Avengers decided that Tony had to become a good kitty and then maybe they could get some more milk and then some shorts. 

Captain Marvel asked, “Can anyone else tell me how to get to the stupid magic boxes before I get crazy with my own mouth?”

Scott was always super scared of the way he had a little bit of a beard. He needed some money for his birthday. “I want lots of money to buy a new thing for my soul,” he said.

“When is your beautiful face getting ready for a big box of kisses?” Cap asked. Bucky was so emotional he was actually going to cry.

The middle finger of the universe was somewhat weird but they needed it. It had to be around the place where they found out that there were cats in their shorts.

“I need some goddamn chicken breasts for the party tomorrow!” Loki yelled. He would never know how to make a big party but the Avengers were heroes who were always looking for something to eat.

 


	19. let’s hope you get some

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our righteous heroes take a break to celebrate Scott’s birthday and throw a party in space. Everything is big.

**Chapter Nineteen: let’s hope you get some**

* * *

 

The only thing that would make the trip better would be to get a certain number of people who are heroes to be able to make an omelet. Scott loved food and it was his special day.

The team did not even know how to make the thing but they were trying their best. The Hulk didn’t have a big place to make a big fuss about the food and he said, “I cannot believe we’re all just gonna go save the moon!”

“We still need to make sure we get the box together,” Thor said and then he held his hand to Scott’s mouth. “I’m glad you made a big mess of your own life,” he said. Scott was very cute but a little bit of a pain.

Hope was trying to make a big batch of pumpkin beef soup for her boyfriend. She sighed as she chuckled and laughed as she giggled as she sighed, “Tony Stark needs more time to make a banana cream sandwich.”

The space party in space was going to be so much fun and they decided that they would never be really rude about their feelings again. Everyone was so happy to see that they loved each other way too much. Even the worst person there. He was kind of a big mess.

“Tony is a really weird dude who lives in a big box of mistakes,” Cap was saying.

“We just decided to be happy and healthy and nice,” yelled the hero who was actually a big fan of magic and had a weird face. “This is a really really good day and I wanna have y’all be a good person.”

Captain Marvel was really tired but wanted to get a big box of balls for the birthday party because Scott was a big fan of the real thing. She also had stood at the top of the middle of the party place and yelled, “The space party is a big fucking deal!”

One person who was actually in a terrible mood was Spider-Man. He didn’t like movie about the two people who were always looking at the moon and he definitely didn’t want to get his hands on the inside of his own face. Everyone else tried to make him look like a really nice person.

The party was a big mess but Scott was happy about it. Loki made sure they all knew he was there for the soup and the team had to take his hand and put it back in the fridge. The kitty cat cats were all over the place and they were having a banana bagel with milk. The Avengers liked to go down on a big big part of the human body together.

“ _I wanna dance with ya daddy!_ ” screamed Scott. The team had to go take him to the place where they had the tomato cake.

“I’m in need of a major break from being a big mess and I really want some more cake,” Tony said. He sighed and shook his head because he had a little bit of pain in his feelings.

Bucky had to become a big demon of anxiety again. He bought a banana for his friend who had a birthday party.

Hope forgot to mention that she forgot to put the milk in the fridge and now they had to go get some milk for milk night. She decided to keep it a secret because she wanted to have a good time. The only problem was that they needed to get some healthy food after the day off and they had no milk. Everyone blamed the one who was always looking at space and being annoying.

“Tony Stark is a huge problem for the future,” Captain America said.

Scott ended up being in love with the song about an alien. Then he felt sleepy and asked for a nap. The Avengers gave him a nice hug and kiss and kisses and giggles and he giggled, “I wanna go to bed.”

Space was very cold but also a nice place for picnic and party food. The Avengers went to the middle of the universe.

 


	20. people who are weird about public transport

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our daring heroes reach the middle of the universe in search of the magic box. They make an unlikely friend.

**Chapter Twenty: people who are weird about public transport**

* * *

 

There was one thing to be said about one thing: every single superhero was going to have to be at the moon election of the moon and very soon. That was why they were all together for an adventure to get to know the middle of the universe. The middle of the universe was so hard to find but the universe was actually smiling at the people that day. The Avengers were not the best people in the world but they loved each other and they decided to fight for justice for the moon and the only way to make it happen was to get the magic box of magic and then run for it like a big band of weird friends.

Tony was very excited about going out to eat a few things and then get some milk and shorts. The only thing that would make him feel sad was the pain of being a big mess.

“I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling better today because I actually hate you so much _HAHAHHAHAHHAHA_ ,” said Peter Parker. The team could not begin to understand how much they needed to make him behave like a better human being who was actually a good person.

Captain America was absolutely beautiful today because of the sheer pleasure of seeing the universe and how much he loved his life. The first person he gave a damn about was his boyfriend. He was going to take a look at the sky to see if he could go get the box.

The llama farmer was formerly known as the nun who died of the plague. The llama farmer knew the middle of the universe and he sighed, “Tony Stark said that he had to be an adult but he didn’t even know how to make good coffee in the morning.”

The nun was actually a former superhero who was named Clint. He loved his llama farm best.

The only one who could be a person who was able to make the magic box happen was Doctor Strange. He sighed, “I wish I could be a nicer lady than you but I’m actually a big fan of music and dancing.”

Doctor Strange was going to try to become President. Presidential candidate John was his name. Stephen John “The Clown” Strange.

The box was a huge box and only Captain Marvel was capable of making it go through the doors. She had to stab her heart and then she chuckled, “I’m like so much better than everyone else haha!”

And then the box was actually about to be opened.

Bruce was always yelling at everyone about the fall of modern society. He had an excellent idea to make sure the box was ready to open. “Let’s all run a marathon for science!”

Everyone else was not even a little bit happy about it. They made Rhodey take his time to go get him away from the box.

Carol Danvers had some tea with the team and then they decided to take care of the thing.

It was time to reveal the mystery of the magic box of the universe. The Avengers were so anxious they had to go take a nap before they started getting ready. They liked having a good sleepover at the end of the world.

The big box of magic was a big box of magic with a llama in the box and a card with a huge red heart on it. It said, “ _Tony Stark needs to get a fucking job._ ” The llama was a huge gift for the team and they decided to take care of it.

“Eat my fridge,” said Bucky. He always said that when he sinned but at least he was happy to be friends with the llama in the middle of the universe. He decided the llama was named Jesus Christ.

It was time to go back to the place where the moon was.

 


	21. everyone knows how to make toast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanos attempts to sabotage the Quinjet before our favorite heroes make it back to the moon. Thor and Hulk spend time together.

**Chapter Twenty-one: everyone knows how to make toast**

* * *

 

 

The Avengers promised to go take a look at the moon election and see if they could be the best heroes of the universe, so they were about to go make sure they didn’t mess everything up beyond all repair. It was a long day and they were all just so tired of being the only ones who had to fight for justice but they decided not to go take a nap so they could go fast.

The Hulk wanted Thor to be with the squad because he loved the way he did the dishes. Thor was Thor and Thor was good at looking good. Thor definitely was a great dude with a banana in his hand but the Avengers were still the biggest assholes ever. Thor sighed, “I guess that’s why we don’t have any friends.”

“This is what happens when y’all come back into the Quinjet with a big llama,” Tony Stark said. The worst thing about Tony was that he had two different types of magic in his shorts. He was kind of a big fan of his shorts but the shorts were too small for him. He was so sad.

The llama was a little scared of the llama food and the team had to tell him to go eat a little bit of lettuce. Jesus Christ did not even like the food.

Suddenly they all screamed because there was a huge problem with the toilet seat in the toilet. They were probably going to cry. The only way to make the toilet seat better was to get a grip on reality.

“Now I’m gonna go have a big laugh and then I’ll let y’all go get lost in the middle of nowhere without a phone!” yelled Thanos. Thanos was a really big bad terrible horrible terrible terrible one.

Captain Marvel was having a problem with the way the world was going. She had stood at the top of the Quinjet with her hand brushing her teeth and she said, “You need to stop being the worst thing ever omg!”

The Avengers were positively emotional and they were trying to help their llama. Captain America and his boyfriend decided to put it in the bedroom. Thanos would never be able to get there.

The great thing about Thor was that he loved to do his own hair and he had a big idea to make sure that they had a way to get to the moon. He and the Hulk loved to do the dishes and they were always very cute.

“Let’s go big and try to beat him up with a big box of pumpkin balls,” Thor said. The Hulk didn’t have a big box but he sure had a big ass.

Time was running out before the toilet was gone forever and the team needed to get going. Thanos would not let them go away.

“I’m gonna make you eat some egg yolks with some tea and then you can go get stuck in a deep dark hole in space!” laughed Thanos.

They forgot they had found the magic box because Doctor Strange was over there and he was talking a little nap and he was naked.

They were only a few minutes away from the death of democracy and Tony was super busy with his favorite food in his mouth. He sighed, “I guess I have to go make sure we don’t all get together to lose our mind.” Captain America had to tell him to go somewhere else. He didn’t.

The Thanos Party was a huge thing in the sky and it was bigger than the short shorts and all the team could do was cry for help because Thanos was so mean to them. 

 

_To be continued_


End file.
